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 SUDDENLY ASIA’S LIMP
NOODLE has sprung back, cautiously al dente. Wherever I turn there
are now people beseeching me to come up and see them some time –
usually, to pay my bills. Just a month ago travellers were pariahs,
confined to 10-day quarantines if they so much as looked at an air
ticket. I started looking at legs instead but my wife was not impressed.
Finally mustering the moxie I flew to Malaysia only to be informed
by a major multinational company that it was corporate policy not
to meet with persons from SARS-affected countries. Malaysia was
a SARS affected country back then and I worried over how this company
was getting staff to work and back without bumping into anyone else.
Now sniffy Hongkong
is wooing the feckless Philippines and the tourism boards of both
countries have signed an M.O.U to jointly market the two. Who said
never the twain shall meet? Asia’s World City meets WOW Philippines,
as the two tag lines go. It’s a clever combination. Take a
dollop of slick financial centre and toss in a coral island or two
and you get Asia’s World Island. No, you get Wow What the
Heck is a World City? Sorry, um… Philippines Asia’s
World City? Well, you get the drift.
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On the one hand
you have Hongkong, with all the trappings of a glitzy international
centre – traffic, pollution and a former finance secretary
whose baby tossed the pram and demanded a Lexus, as befits any baby
born in Asia’s World City. (So what if the finance secretary
raised the tax on luxury cars a week after his purchase?) On the
other, you have the romantic Philippines – with sun-drenched
islands, music and visa-free mystery ASEAN tours by innovative travel
agents like Abu Sayyaf. Put it all together and you get the highest
per capita incidence of babies who own Lexus cars and possess the
ability to sing just about any top-40 MTV song, contrapuntally.
WOW!
You'll find sun-drenched islands, music and visa-free mystery ASEAN tours by innovative travel agents like Abu Sayyaf
Visitors to Hongkong
also get a Welcome Passport listing shopping and dining discounts
and free gifts at jewellers – most with thoughtful stickers
reading, FREE GIFT OUT OF STOCK. Get 50 percent off a tour that
takes you up the Central escalator. Or simply go up the escalator
FREE as most people do. Read up on Hongkong, Beijing’s Asia
City, at the lively www.HkUnmasked.com.
But wait a minute.
How can Hongkong be Asia’s World City when we all know that
Malaysia is Truly Asia? Michelle Yeoh would never lie. And Truly
Asia has a party planned all year, like no other. Just make sure
you are not a Norwegian named Sars. August kicks off the Mega Sale
Carnival. Prices are set to drop lower than Anna Nicole Smith’s
décolletage.
Business travellers
may also wish to mark their diaries for the Livestock Asia Exhibition
and Bugfest Malaysia 2003. It is not clear if the latter involves
eating bugs (which might interest Australians) or simply bugging
Singaporeans by taking pictures of sparkling spring-fed mineral
water as they stock up on bottles of recycled toilet sludge or New
Water, as it is fashionable termed – because Malaysia is turning
off the tap.
Sentosa foam parties are another way to keep clean. there's a webcam there too so you can keep your bosses posted
Yet Singapore has
been quickest off the blocks. It has launched a “Singapore
Roars” campaign that combines lucky draws and terrific discounts.
“Roaring Great Deals” includes buy-one-get-one offers.
Get married in Singapore and they’ll give you a second wife
FREE. Now you’ll know what a CONVERSATION really is.
If this were not
enough, there’s a new website, www.SingaporeCanLah.com,
offering among other things, a live webcam from five spots including
the Orchard and Scotts intersection. This is a great tool for executive
travellers as they can gather on Orchard Road and wave to their
bosses around the world to prove that they are ACTUALLY IN SINGAPORE
AND DOING THEIR JOB rather than goofing off.
Singapore has more.
You could lunch with the lions at the zoo (though breakfast with
Ah Mei the orang-utan has been stopped after protests from do-gooder
animal rights groups). Spoil-sports. Ah Mei was evolving quite nicely
and was about a week away from getting a driver’s licence
and her first Harry Potter. Goodbye Charles Darwin. Hello
bananas. Sentosa foam parties are another way to keep clean. Fortunately
there’s a webcam there too so you can keep your boss posted.
In Thailand things
are more understated. Amazing Thailand has given way to Unseen Thailand
and people are now burrowing into back sois and people’s
homes to look into laundry baskets and under the beds, turning up
remarkable unseen items. My mother has been searching about 25 years
for my school underwear to give it a good wash. Perhaps it will
turn up. October 28 is my birthday. Mark it down. I may not be the
finance secretary’s kid but I’d be happy to accept a
Lexus.
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