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| Full moon at Wengen ski resort |
AFTER ALL THOSE LAUNDRY-GRAZING touchdowns at Hong Kong’s old Kai Tak Airport, and miraculous landings off Boracay in planes built of paper – or perhaps a very durable cardboard at best – I thought I was inured to just about everything. Yet, here I was, falling from the sky. This was no dream. Down I went, arms flailing. Through the clouds. SPLAT. On the pavement. And that’s how I landed in Amsterdam, sans visa and passport. No one batted an eyelid. Not even as others fell from the skies. Paolo from Rome, Kimi from Korea, Maxie from the US. We staggered upright. And went shopping.
Of course in Amsterdam with half the population smoking weed by the bushel it’s the self-respecting way to travel. Stagger. SPLAT. In Second Life, an eyebrow-raising thrill-a-minute virtual reality landscape encompassing everything from Rome, Hollywood and Amsterdam to the futuristic Armord and its clunking cyborgs, denizens “teleport” themselves to destinations at will. Some drive cars, others fly planes, and newcomers, or “newbies”, fall from the skies. Forget about Boeing and Airbus. Forget about jet lag. This is travel at its wildest, wackiest best.
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| Cruising Amsterdam, eyeing Minis |
What is Second Life?
No airline seats for Easter? Summer bookings jammed? In-laws from hell arriving? Head off to SecondLife.Com and its online community of over 2.5 million. Travel, shop, build, rent, design, exhibit, play, dance, date and, well… even have sex. Meet vampires, felines, Goths, extraordinary people, ordinary people, cyborgs, giant bats, cavorting beasts and nuts. Most of it is free.
If you must make money, do so, in Linden Dollars which are convertible to the US dollar and vice versa at a rate currently averaging around US$1 = L$250. You can even earn Linden dollars at most locations sweeping pavements, dancing, sitting on bar stools and joining groups.
The average amount of cash spent in the Linden Lab’s fantasy world over a 24-hour period is around US$1 million. No small beer this. And at any given time as many as 20,000 people may be on. It’s not a Mumbai or a San Francisco but there’s enough traffic to slow or crash computers, leaving people bald or even naked while the computers scramble to catch up on the body rendering.
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| Glam stuff at Adam n Eve. Hmm... |
The brainchild of Philip Rosedale, Second Life is more than just a community. As he likes to say, it’s the creation of “a new country” where the community itself directs development and social norms. Consequently you are as likely to stumble upon a priapic nudist beach as you are to chance upon a quiet art show or a heady jazz concert. Building styles range from fin de siecle French Palace to Faceless Mega Mall and Grown-Up-Kids-On-LSD.
Here, big is necessarily better. A Second Life avatar (your 3D likeness) is giant size. Everyone is around seven feet – the men sporting bursting biceps and women with bosoms about to explode like over-inflated Zeppelins. You can create your own avatar and shop for different body shapes and eye-popping private parts at other establishments.
Run by Linden Labs, Second Life is an adult community but there is a Teen Second Life (http://teen.secondlife.com) too for the 13-to-17-year-olds. Parents can go online for information or find people in-world at Second Life with the last name Linden and bearing the group title “Liason”. They’ll direct you and explain how it works.
A whole lot of grief
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| Head to Rome for classy shops |
Scallywags get up to serious mischief (or “griefing” as it’s termed). They blast newbies with giant guns, nuke entire neighbourhoods, and send people into orbit or into “negative coordinates”. Others barrel down main roads vaunting their Viagran manhood. The disgruntled vent their ire by buying parcels of land in plush neighbourhoods and setting up large posters complaining about George Bush, taxes, and other peeves. The first reported Second Life millionaire Ailin Graef held an in-world interview with CNET using her SL persona Anshe Chung only to find herself bombarded with giant penises – all captured on video and briefly posted on YouTube. Understandably, residents are encouraged to report abuse. And they do.
Don’t accept gifts from strangers (they may carry viruses and Trojans). And don’t offer passwords and e-mail addresses to people intent on phishing for your bank details, accoutred in glam head-turning finery. That gorgeous hunk or shy newbie you just met at the bar could just as easily be a college kid or the head of an online crime syndicate. Linden Labs says it takes strong action against hackers, fraudsters, crooks and people using abusive language. Account suspensions and warnings are the order of the day. A list is available at the Police Blotter detailing use of weapons, account abuse, intolerant remarks, obscene images, spam, and hate speech.
Can the sane survive in Second Life?
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| It's raining men, Halleluja... |
Why then would any sane person visit? Well, admit it, this sort of zany madness can be fun if not downright addictive. It’s right up there with smacking noisy children around the house and chucking the in-laws off a high floor. Be whomever you want and do whatever you want, almost without limits.
Debbie from Holland frequently escapes to Second Life and now her boyfriend is paranoid she’ll meet someone in this virtual madhouse and run away with him. Leaving aside the fact that the entire presumption is preposterous, how can a human be terrified of a virtual rival? This is a place where nuts shack up with horses, and not in a cuddly way. You can’t run away and live in a virtual home forever. Not even in a Cinderella Castle. (I’ve supped in one and marvelled at the furniture while the kindly no-nonsense Goth owner showed me around and conversed with erudition and flair.)
Fortunately, not everyone here is a perv (or pervert) as their profiles (which you can click to read) proudly proclaim. “I’m not your cyber slut” read one, “move on.” Most residents are looking for friends, fun, companionship. Some are starting over in real life, others are looking for business leads and inspiration. Some braver profiles also carry pictures of the person in his or her “1st Life” or Real Life.
Real brands, real interaction
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| Trendy model poses in Rome shop |
The entire enterprise may seem one huge virtual hallucination. But look again. Second Life is merely a virtual gateway to a travel landscape extraordinaire. Virtual travel is just one part of it. At the other end of this cyber melting pot lie real people. Over two million of them. The online community is growing fast. Chats are real even if the monikers and faces are not. I’ve talked with bears, stared at giant bats that seemingly spoke no English, tried halting French, had a date, and marvelled at ungainly kludges with Body Parts From Hell.
I’ve also made some interesting friends. Major brands like Toyota, SONY and Starwood are making a beeline for Second Life to ensure they have a share of this new exposure. SL fashion shows have landed real life jobs for designers and various forums are available to argue lost causes of any ilk. At Toyota Scion City you can test drive, or spectacularly crash, a car built to various specifications. The Scion is an entry-level model from Toyota. Mazda has an island where it tests its new concept cars before tossing them to real people on real roads.
Aloft (the hip hotel brand from Starwood) is testing its design concepts in Second Life and at Media Island run by SONY BMG you can listen to music and watch videos sitting in comfy leather chairs surrounded by goldfish in bubbling glass tanks.
Private tales to bring on a flush
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| Test drive a Toyota car |
Private parts are a headache, especially if you forget to wear them. (They are often versatile and obey keystroke commands to do just about everything except buy the groceries.) Thus it was I had to inform the glamorous Giselle in Rome that not unlike Mr Michael Jackson, I suffered from anatomical anomalies – having dropped that most vital of parts on the street. As a result we could not now go on to make babies and lead a life of unmitigated virtual bedlam. Her cleavage heaved and she disappeared, no doubt to fall from the sky on some other hapless newbie.
Shortly after, Dancing Dude fell from the skies, right on my head. He jerked about contorting in unbelievable poses, dancing to a primeval inner rhythm - or a berserk animation. “How do I stop?” he pleaded. “I’ve been dancing for days.” Moments like that are worth the wait.
At the pulsating Club Arsheba I watched exotic pole dancers and listened to rave music. One dancer was from Beijing (in Real Life or RL), one was from Denmark. “Hello” I said to my newfound Beijing friend. “LOL” she replied (chat-speak for laughing out loud). “Must be cold in Beijing.” I ventured again. “LOL.” “Great moves.” “LOL”. Eventually, she dug deep into her vocabulary book and gushed, “ROFL” (or rolling on the floor laughing). I hadn’t said anything.
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| Club Arsheba girls do their thing |
SL (as Second Life is termed) may not always provide riveting conversation but there is one exception. A good lover has to be a GREAT TYPIST. It’s all in the fingers. I thought back to my early Harold Robbins books that were entirely responsible for my adult education and got typing. “AAAARRRGGGHHHH.” There’s politics too. My neighbour cavilled at life in the USA. “It’s been so hard living in this country under this B.S. administration,” he grated. “Aaarrgghhh,” I said, “oh, sorry… wrong chat.”
Travelling the world free
Later, at the very popular Club Extreme (which also has an outdoor casino and poker machines) I listened to some great oldies pop rock like Little Red Corvette and danced with a divine angel with blue lights flashing around her fairy wings. As we twirled, my hand passed through her body. “I think I touched your liver,” I said, and she blushed at such intimacy. She offered me a home in Vin Santo Ellis complete with an upstairs studio, a loan I gratefully accepted, if only to help change in and out of clothes for a day. It beats changing in the street.
That evening a statuesque redhead walked into my abode demanding to know if I was a squatter. I protested that this was my place. She smiled, sat on my kitchen sink, and proceeded to charm me. We talked at length and I suggested she model for my story on Second Life. She agreed. From there it was a giddy whirl through Amsterdam, Rome – where more people fell out of the sky, on my head – and the dance floor, where I managed a stylish Cakewalk, effortlessly.
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| Club Extreme: great dancing and music |
Much of what happens in SL, or at least with dance and more private animations, is controlled by coloured balls. These can be bought, or scripted if you are a Harvard math wiz. Click on one and your avatar gets going. There are balls for men and others for women. Take care to click on the correct one, especially if you’re entertaining romantic notions.
In Hollywood, sail, buy magazines like Vanity Fair at the newsstand (or something more mature), swing out at golf or stroll the Walk of Fame. Visit the academy and vote for your favourite movies. For something more atmospheric, pop by the Lost Gardens of Apollo where things are soft-focus and uncompromisingly medieval, with classic columned temples, sylvan green meadows, flowering trees and, yes, falling people.
Romantics might head to the Gardens of Enchanted Bliss with its volcanic landscape, lakes, and modern timber belvedere with animation balls to help you relax and chill. There's even a helipad at a higher level and transport. Or stroll through the meadows, past frangipani trees at The Sirens Grotto. If you can’t teleport (or TP) into any area it means the region is full. You’ll just have to wait and endure the street-side babble and chasing pervs wherever you are.
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| Catching the rays at Wengen |
Or head off to listen to cool retro jazz at the Blue Note lounge. There's dance balls on the floor for everything from salsa and dip to slow and "sweptaway". The music is good. Walk Amsterdam’s cobbled streets, shop for clothes, peruse sex shops and coy sirens, and do the same in Rome. For a taste of the future there’s no place like Armord.
I dropped by to visit friends in Scotland. It was cold. Stoic lads wandered the greens in kilts, one carting a giant grey concrete slab that later turned into a guitar. He strummed some engaging melodies. Another gentleman appeared to be in a trance, his body hunched over against the cold, or so I thought. He was away, but sprang to life – and chat – when his office accountant had passed his desk, or so he reported impishly. Then he went on to show us the finest tartans and blades. You can pick up a fine Glasgow Tartan outfit for L$1,000. I was not too sure about skirts and haggis, and anyway the girls from the Firth of Forth with a bit of girth up north were rather distracting. He said he was Bond, James Bond – Sean, the ultimate in Scottish manhood.
Shopping in second life
Shopping in SL is a hoot. It is perhaps the driving force of this virtual community apart from property where the real money is to be made. There are shops everywhere. You might look a ponce, but heck, how often can you wear a purple body-hugging pinstripe shirt with red striped underwear, pointy shoes – and bat wings? People do.
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| So, what's showing in Hollywood? |
Of course you can purchase white underwear, Christian and clean, the way your mother and God intended. You’ll find Tommy Hilfiger boxers too. No need to do the laundry. Just touch an item, read the description (some places allow you to try on a demo for L$1), and buy it. The item goes into your inventory.
Guys might try Men’s Wearhouse at Bravehearts for cool duds. Or Head-Toe for starters. Women will be spoiled for just about everywhere. Click anywhere to find a mall. Boulevard Mystique has some nice shops and a reassuring West Coast suburban feel to it despite the occasional prankster. All regions offer free stuff.
News and views online
But, hit the wrong button, and your clothes could disappear leaving your dangly bits exposed to the elements, cooing escort girls, well wishers, sales ladies handing out their business cards, and roving reporters (Adam Reuters mans a Reuters virtual news bureau in Second Life and there’s even a Second Life Herald reporting on local events). A forum is available for just about everything. If not, start your own group and have a good rant. Politicians like former Virginia Governor Mark Warner have actually staged town hall meetings here and conducted SL interviews fortunately not rained upon by giant penises.
How to get started in Second Life
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| What the...! How did we get here? |
To get started, download and install the free Second Life software. Log on and begin your journey. After you arrive at the Information Centre for the first time, browse your map, look for helpful landmarks and teleport yourself to any location. Teleporting is different to flying. Pick a location from your address book, or map, hit the button and you’re there. Sort of…
The first thing you’ll need to do when you arrive in the world, is acquire a shape. Newbies arrive with a sort of dazed, limp rag-doll look and a rather limited wardrobe. They stick out like sore thumbs.
No wonder Paintball Man blasted me. I got hit with every imaginable colour. It was a bruising entry. I stood my ground. I didn’t know how to move. When I worked it out I ran for the hills. The arrows control your moves. The “page up” button makes you fly and “page down” brings you back. It’s a great way to soar past the Space Needle at Armord, clicking pictures all the while for your virtual collection. The scroll wheel on your mouse helps you zoom in closer to your avatar and out if you need perspective.
Body shapes are outrageously muscular, or voluptuous, some are artful, others simply awful, and some furry. Buy a shape (or several shapes), wear it, and alter it by clicking on your “appearance” and making the necessary adjustments to neck, chest, legs and so on. Don’t bring your height down to a modest six feet. You’ll be a midget. Pick up a L$1,800 Dante body and skin at Naughty Island. Women’s shapes are more expensive, and elaborate. A Haley for “night and day” for example will set you back L$3,800 up.
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| Flying past Space Needle, Armord |
Looking for something a tad more robust? Amazon perhaps? No problem. You’ll need to purchase everything and a credit card will be handy. Prices fluctuate daily based on demand and supply. Gruesome sounding Flesh Inc offers its Sexy Escort or Plus Size Femme lines for L$450. The cool and chic Adam n Eve, Genesis, offers a mind-boggling array of well presented shapes, eyes, skin and glamorous stuff to make any woman swoon. There's even a Caliph palace complete with domes and minarets and a water fountain. Stroll around, dance, or enjoy a snuggery.
Pick up eyes, hair, clothes, shoes, fur, cyborg parts (Armord) and of course all the aforementioned unmentionables. Then move on to house, furniture, iPods, an SL partner and pretty much anything else you can think of. Just don’t attach your sofa or your house to your head. It is a disconcerting sight. Try Houses that Jack Built or shop around a cool locality like Ellis Island where a two-floor unit will set you back around L$500 a week or L$26,000 for 52 weeks. Billboards advertising prices are ubiquitous. Just click on one to get started.
Having an animated time
To acquire a proper walking gait instead of the default haemorrhoidal wiggle head to Abranimations & Friends to browse walks, dances and sassy moves. Buy the walk and “wear” it. You might also want to grab some salsa balls for around L$300 while you’re at it – one for him and one for her. Join Duran Duran or The Beatles fans as they restlessly roam cyber space looking for their idols and comparing notes.
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| Well hello Superman... |
Then, if you’re in the mood for something alternative, head to Extasia with its Moorish castle, snuggeries, torch-lit resort cabins up on raised wooden walkways, skins, animations, accessories and more that can’t really be written about in these genteel columns. That piqued your interest, didn’t it?
So you really can travel the world FREE. C’mon. Get a life.
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